FAQ #14: What do you say to pesky boiler room callers?

First, do you know what a "pesky boiler room caller" is? It's one of those people that telephones you trying to sell something you probably don't want or need. They often work in large rooms filled with folks bothering people during dinner and rare afternoon naps (or afternoon delights).

These are not really my top 10 responses. I usually just say "No thanks" and hang up. But here are some creative ideas from my truly warped friend, Nicole Hamilton. Nicki's #1 response has special meaning to all of us who know her.

10. You sound very sexy. What kind of underwear do you have on?

9. Oh, I'm so glad you called! My niece is selling Girl Scout cookies. How many boxes would you like?

8. Who's your long-distance carrier? I think I can save you money!

7. You sound gay. Did you know that through the love of Our Savior, Jesus Christ, you can give up that lifestyle?

6. Do you hear voices telling you, also, to buy lots of guns?

5. Are you a non-smoker, 55 or under? Let me tell you about whole life.

4. You seem pretty smart, so maybe you know: How long do you think it would take to get a whole body down a garbage disposal?

3. If Superman and the Power Rangers got into a fight, who do you think would win?

2. Do you take credit cards? I have one here that I don't think has been reported.

And my number one best response to that pesky caller is...

1. So! What do you think of my sex change?